A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know.'she says.

'It's best I stay here.'he says.'

'Why?' says the blonde.

The boy says: 'Because, I'm the friging goalie'

At dinner one night, a son asks his dad, "What kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, thinks a second and answers, "There are actually three kinds son.
The first kind are like melons, round and firm.. when a woman is in her 20's.
The second kind are like pears, still nice, but it they hang a little bit.... when she's 30 to 40.

The last kind, when a woman gets to be 50, are like an onions.

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

His inquisitive daughter then turns to the mother and asks, "Well, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, smiles and quickly answers, 'Well dear, there are also three kinds."

The first kind is like an oak tree, mighty and hard... when he's in his 20's.

The second kind is like a birch tree, flexible but reliable... when he's in his 30's and 40's.

And the last kind, when he reaches 50, is just like a Christmas Tree.'

"A Christmas tree?"

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay.

Now GET OUT and don't come back.

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps..

He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit,

They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.

He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.

She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

This morning on the motorway, I looked over to my right and there was a Woman in a brand new BMW doing 75Mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the meat pie out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my Mobile phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.

BL00DY women drivers!!

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

For example, the trade name of Panadol also has a generic name of
Paracetamol. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Nurofen is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff

I have written several posts about the airline I love to hate - Ryanair. From it's disgustingly controversial advertising campaigns to its sexist calenders and flight attendants who in Ryanair's own words are "stripped for action", this airline stops at nothing to make an extra buck. Cheap tickets they advertise and yet by the time you have finished with all those extras it is no longer cheap. Then on the flight they barrage you with other things to buy.... I hate them.

But, I got to laugh at this. Plainly, I am not the only one that thinks they charge a fee for everything.....

Meet Ryanair's safety manual....

Oh - SO TRUE!

Here is a preview of the new IKEA car kit.... Good luck with the assembly!