So it is May 1st and May Day. For many in the world a workers holiday and a time for demonstrations. But May Day is also Beltane and many pagan traditions still survive today. The Maypole, kissing under blossoming cherry trees and much more all are related to the idea of fertility and fertility rites. At the end of the day it seems everything comes down to sex and reproductive function doesn't it?

Anyway, I thought I'd look for something funny associated with May Day and found this short video... it is very funny but the link with May Day is tenuous at best.....

Enjoy going to music festivals and languishing in the mud as your favorite band plays live? Want to know who is appearing at what British music festival and where to get tickets? Even book your coach trip there and listen to the bands music before you go? Then you should head over to UK Music Festivals.

Here you can get the latest music festival news and find out who is playing Glastonbury or Reading or any other venue in the UK this year. It's a well organized and thought through website with all the UK music festivals listed and continually updated. For each festival they provide a summary and links to the actual festival website as well as other websites of interest including travel tips.

Want to know what's on? Just visit the festival calendar for a complete list of all UK festivals and of course, do visit the Festival Guide and Tips section for other useful information...

I got sent this link and thought it was funny enough to share....

How to hypnotize a man

Brazilian football star Ronaldo has been caught up in a sex scandal with three cross-dressing prostitutes.

Having dropped off his girlfriend at her house in Rio de Janeiro on Monday night, the 2002 World Cup winner picked up three prostitutes.

When they all booked into a motel, the AC Milan striker discovered that the prostitutes were in fact men.

According to Rio police, he alleges that the transvestites then tried to extort money from him.

Rest of the story at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7374317.stm

I had to laugh at the story the BBC is running on Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo. He must be one very embarrassed man. Apparently, after dropping his girlfriend off for the evening, he picked up three prostitutes for 'fun'. However, when things got hot and heavy, he discovered that all three were, well, men - transvestites. There is a photo of one of these 'ladies' in the BBC article and all I can ask is this - if Ronaldo can see a soccer ball so well then what the hell is he thinking picking up 'women' that look like a shemale? Is he actually blind?

The article poses many more questions than it answers. For example;

1. Why would someone so wealthy and famous solicit street hookers in the first place?

2. Why would someone so wealthy and famous who relies on his fitness to make money risk getting AIDS?

3. Why would someone so wealthy and famous risk extortion by these three transvestites and any other person who learned about the incident?

4. What the hell does his girlfriend think?

What is it with famous people? Recall Hugh Grant and the prostitute ? George Michael and the toilet incident.... the list goes on and on....... Are they bent on self destruction or something?

The City of Hull has a big day in store today. For just the second time in its history it's soccer club Hull City has a chance to rise to the challenge of the Premier league. It's not all down to the Tigers though, Stoke need to lose their game and Hull City need to win theirs at Ipswich. It's a tough combination of results but the inkling of a possibility has the city excited.

Of course, if events go against Hull City today, they are in the play offs anyway with an unassailable 3rd place finish in the Championship. Me and every Hull fan would rather that this was resolved favorably today but if not, well, the dream isn't dead.

In the last few weeks, the city has been featured in many papers and under the spotlight nationally and all becuase of the soccer team. Think how much more exposure this well kept secret will get with a club in the Premier league. Yes - parts of Hull are not pretty but actually, it's a city with a lot to offer and the surrounding countryside is magnificent from the pancake flatness of the Vale of Holderness to the gently rolling chalk hills of the Wolds upto the mighty sandstone of the North York Moors.

A nice article in the UK Daily Telegraph is just the latest media piece to look at the current lack of global warming and raise some long overdue questions regarding this multi-billion dollar myth. And myth it truly is.

Climate change - a term global warming devotees love to use as if they invented it - is a feature of this planet, indeed, all planets in our solar system. The climate continuously changes and has changed through geological time. To point to melting glaciers and say that is evidence of warming is correct - it is - but to then say that warming is down to CO2 is a step too far.

When I argue against 'global warming' I hear this stupidity all of the time - "but I can see it with my own eyes"... really? What you see is climate change and it is an ongoing phenomena - that proves nothing regarding what is actually driving climate change.

And therein lies the problem.

Ecuador might become a country for only brave and unselfish men if a law maker in the country gets her way. Yes, she wants the constitution to enshrine a woman's right to sexual happiness - orgasm forced by the law. Now, there is nothing wrong with a woman enjoying sex but this sounds just a little problematic to me. I can just see wives and girlfriends calling the police to have their boyfriends and husbands arrested if they fail to satisfy!

Of course there is already opposition to her plans - from male politicians of course. She was accused of decreeing orgasm by law by one male politician.

What is the world coming too?

A major new Czech news website has just been launched featuring Red News. I'd heard about news services where the presenter slowly strips but never actually seen it done. Well, now all you have to do to see naked news for yourself is visit the new site and you can enjoy Red News. Of course, it's in Czech but do you care?

The new website was launched by a major Czech TV station in the last 24-hours and performance is a little slow right now - I guess that means it is getting quite a few visits. It has been the subject of a TV advertising campaign featuring humorous and sexy ads... you can see why when you visit the website. It also features a model of the day and lots of titillating content... couldn't find much actual news though!

If you maintain a blog or website chances are you struggle with two issues - promoting your blog and making a little money from it. I recently discovered a new service that actually helps with both of these issues and have been trying it out over the last two weeks or so - it works!

The idea is that you sell links on your blog or website. You paste a little php code, the service crawls your site and starts placing these short links on your pages - to see them on this blog, go to another page and scroll down to the bottom... you will see them there. Depending on the ranking of your page (google page rank), you get paid a number of points by the service for each link placed and accepted by you. You have full control over these links at the service's website and can delete any you do not want for one reason or another.

The points that you earn can then be reimbursed for cash to a paypal account and you make money. Or, you can use the points that you accumulate to build some campaigns of your own to promote your own site. It's easy to do that and you simply build links to articles and pages that you want to promote and sit back and wait.

Maybe I just live in a different time warp to the rest of my life right now but I can't seem to get closure on anything. It is as if I'm going 5,000mph and the rest of the world is doing 5mph. Everything that turn my hand to takes longer and goes slower than I would ever have dreamed and there appear to be roadblocks strewn all along the way. So what is this telling me? Is it fate saying I'm headed in the wrong direction? Is it fate telling me to shut up and put up? - SLOW DOWN you idiot! Or is simply that the speed of life is slower than I would like?

Answers on a postcard please...... (well, the mail is slower than email right so why would I expect speed?).

OK - Here is a simple quiz for all Rant Here readers.....

Please study the photo below carefully and then answer the following questions;

1. Which of these students is sleepy?

2. Which boys are twins?

3. Which girls are twins?

4. How many girls in the picture?

and finally,

5. Who is the teacher?

Anyone who believes they have the correct answers do let me know because when I got this via email there was a free trip to China to see the Olympics offered - I'd love to be able to go!

When I get really busy - and I mean swamped - I tend to freeze. I sit and think of everything I need to do and I can't decide where to start. I literally freeze. The clock ticks by and nothing is done and the stress builds. I'm in this situation now having been away for a few days and now with a list as long as my leg (and yours) of things to do.... so what do I do? Waste time blogging about the fact I don't know where to start......

It's difficult to smoke these days. So many rules and regulations to stop people killing themselves slowly puffing on tobacco but this one got me. To support legislation banning the sale of cigs to under 20-year olds in Japan, an age detection tool is being developed for use on vending machines. It's sort of face recognition software but programed to determine your age from facial characteristics based on a sample of 100,000 people.

Apparently, the software will determine by looking at your face how old you are. If you LOOK older than 20-years, you will be allowed to purchase your smokes, if not, you will have to produce an ID card for scanning to prove your age.

I wonder if they programed this using smoker's faces? Smokers end to age a it more than non-smokers I guess.

I recently was brought a Sunday Express newspaper and, being starved of reading materials, I was anxious to read it. But what a disappointment. Once upon a time the Express was a quality paper filed with in depth news and analysis these days its a glorified titillation rag. Rather than in depth reporting and analysis, it's filled with short news stories in mono syllables and articles about models, celebrities, sex and violence.

What became of good newspapers? Are all news outlets now targeting the common denominator? Is everything we consume designed to be accepted by the average illiterate and uninterested in world events Joe? It's as if to be successful the media feel that they have to lower their standards to the gutter.

Are you a good flier or are you simply afraid to fly?

Well, imagine how you would feel flying this airline as you look out of the window of your taxiing airplane to see an identical plane crashed and burned out upside down?

A bunch of sixth formers at a school in Aberdeen were sent home in disgrace after they laid turf on the Common Room floor in a practical joke. According to the school, the pupils were also drinking....

Hull City beat Watford 4-1 last night (6-1 agg) to move through to the Championship playoff final at Wembley. In previous articles on Hull City, I have done more than enough to explain the significance for me and thousands of other folks from Hull regarding this event. But let's re-iterate...

My son spent one summer in Boston attending a music school there. Of course, I had to take him and pick him up which was fun because I had never truly spent anytime in Boston. And what a great place to visit it is!

Religion. One of the three topics that should never be raised in polite company! So here goes....

Renting a car for you vacation - sun or ski - should be easy shouldn't it? Well, here is a car rental company that makes it easy. You can rent a car and more with Advantage either in the US or at International locations. While looking over their site, make sure you look over their
special offers. There you'll find some savings on cars, SUV's and Vans and a whole lot more to make your visit worthwhile. They truly offer worldwide pick up locations too even including Brno in the Czech Republic where I live!

So, remember if you require car rental, go and check out advantage first.

Does Hilary Clinton remind anyone else of that damn Energizer Bunny? according to the Energizer Bunny's personal website, it's mantra is ''keep going'. It seems that Hilary's is also 'keep going' - whatever the cost - and so far its several million Dollars of her personal fortune. It's one thing to 'keep going' but it is another to recognize when it's time to quit.

THE remains of a woman have been found sitting in front of her TV - 42 years after she was reported missing.

Hedviga Golik, who was born in 1924, had apparently made herself a cup of tea before sitting in her favourite armchair in front of her black and white television.

Croatian police said she was last seen by neighbours in 1966, when she would have been 42 years old.

Her neighbours thought she had moved out of her flat in the capital, Zagreb.

But she was found by police and bailiffs who had broken in to help the authorities establish who owned the flat.

A police spokesman said: "So far, we have no idea how it is possible that someone officially reported missing so long ago was not found before in the same apartment she used to live in.

These days it seems the news is just soooo damn depressing but in the Czech Republic, they make the news just a bit more palatable by stripping as they read the news. Red News is a service in which a different presenter(s) reads the news slowly peeling off their garments until totally naked. I guess you could say it makes the news - well - titillating.

Next Saturday Hull City will play Bristol City at Wembley in the English Championship play off final. It's a momentous occasion for Hull. Will our wait be over and, after 104-years of soccer, will Hull City finally achieve the Premier League? It's a game with 60 million GPB at stake for the winning team as well - it is apparently the richest game in soccer - full stop.

The new IZEA site is up and running - it is called SocialSpark. it's a great website offering both bloggers and advertisers a great deal - much more than just a site to match bloggers with advertisers and vice versa.

First off, it not only allows bloggers to seek opportunities to find paid blog articles but also blog sponsors. Even better, it allows bloggers to participate in writing charity articles for free - so it fulfills a bit of a social obligation too. But it also makes it easier for bloggers to become advertisers and vice versa too.

The site looks god and has a great deal of useful functionality. Bloggers can socialize with other bloggers and advertisers setting up a profile like mine and then to easily interact with other members of the SocialSpark community.

First impressions are it is a job well done and a useful addition in terms of providing a service for bloggers like me... I'll report back as I get more used to working with it but for now, I'm impressed.

This is a sponsored post.

Crude oil reaches $127/bbl and everyone gets worked up. Oil companies are blamed and their 'huge profits' criticised despite the fact that if you want prices to go down then they need to spend all of those profits on looking for more of the stuff. Hedge funds and speculators are blamed for being greedy and driving up prices despite the fact that crude oil supply is simply the issue. And consumers winge and moan about having to pay $4 for a gallon of gas.

Writing a blog like this has its benefits. You become keenly attuned to what is going on around you looking for things that are comic, funny or simply bizarre to write about. But today, I'm stuck. I can't think of anything to write about! at least not something new.

Everything today is just the same as it was yesterday. Obama versus Clinton, horrible events in the East, Corrupt politicians, Stupid celebrities, Oil at new highs, Dollar more than worthless. I mean what can I write about? There isn't anything going on.

I can always cover sex or porn - always brings in a few visitors from Google but frankly, I'm bored with those topics today. I could comment on the miserable weather outside I suppose or mention that I'm so damn busy at work but do you care? I thought not.

Today - life seems more boring than funny.....

I am developing a keen hatred for banks. Just recently I tried to pay a bill using my debit card of course, despite having the cash in my account, I couldn't pay it because it exceeded the limit on my card! Banks like to keep your money, charge you fees and not let you have access to your own cash in the name of security.

Here in the Czech Republic, I tried to deposit a paper check. It was in US Dollars and on an American bank. It was a small amount - around $120. First off the bank here said that they could process the check for me - it would take 30-days (everything is now done electronically here). I agreed reluctantly and then they told me it wasn't a check but a bill!. I said look it says pay me not Please send us money... Well, 20 minutes of arguing and phone calls later, they reluctantly agreed to take the check having finally determined that it indeed was a check. Three weeks later an SMS notified me that the check was deposited in my account. It was around 1500 Czech Crowns. All seems well. Until I get my statement and see that they charged me 500kc for the processing!

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A car dealership in the United States is offering a free handgun with every vehicle sold.

Max Motors in Butler, Missouri, says sales have quadrupled since the start of the offer.

Customers can choose between a gun or a $250 (£125) gas card, but most so far have chosen the gun.

Owner Mark Muller said "we're just damn glad to live in a free country where you can have a gun if you want to".

The dealership sells new and old vehicles, including General Motors and Ford cars and trucks, and its logo shows a cowboy holding a pistol.

It has sold over 30 cars and trucks in the past three days, an increase which the owners put down to their promotional offer.

Inspiration from Obama

Mr Muller said that every buyer so far "except one guy from Canada and one old guy" chose the gun, rather than the gas card.

He recommends a Kel-Tec .380 pistol, which he describes as "a nice little handgun that fits in your pocket".

He added that the promotion was inspired by recent comments from one of the Democratic nominees for the presidential election, saying: "We did it because of Barack Obama.

If you wanted to understand just how sick and screwed up the United States truly is you would just have to live in Missouri. According to the BBC, a car dealership has seen it's business sky rocket since it started offering a FREE hand gun with every vehicle sale.

The dealership started the campaign in response to statements by Sen. Obama who apparently said you had to feel compassion for folks in the midwest who cling to their guns and their bibles. I have no idea if that quote is correct but the owner of the dealership found the statement offensive and decided on the current campaign.

By the way, the dealership offers either a gun or $250 in free gasoline in it's campaign but the gun has proven significantly more popular than the free gasoline. To me this suggests that gasoline simply isn't expensive enough there yet... just wait - it will be soon!

Let's see what we can learn from this story shall we?

1. Sen. Obama was plainly correct in his observation if the quote is indeed true;

When we think about the idea of burning witches we think about several hundred years ago right? We think about ignorant times when folks didn't have access to modern science and modern education when the idea that someone could be a witch was accepted without thought because people were superstitious.

Wrong.

11 people were burned as witches just this week in Kenya - several women and a few men suspected of witchcraft were dragged from their homes, tied up and set alight. All the victims were in the age range 70 - 90 years old.

Is it a crime then to be old, infirm and perhaps behave a little strange? Is this the definition of witchcraft? What are these people thinking?

Witchcraft these days is alive and strong. It is called Wicca and is a recognized religion in many places even in the religiously intolerant US. I'll bet there are a few fundamental Christians there licking their lips at the idea of burning a few new agers and Wiccans..... by the way, isn't it interesting that the word 'fundamental' includes the word 'mental'. I guess that's because religious fundamental types are mental and should be locked up.

Hull City in the Premier League... Sounds so damn good.

At the beginning of this season I told bored friends and relatives to watch out for Hull City. I had a feeling. Even after losing the opening game of the year at KC stadium, I still had that funny feeling. This would be the year. When Hull signed Jay Jay Okacha and I read the headlines where Jay Jay said "God told him to go to Hull". It seemed confirmed - divine right.

For the first time ever I recently visited a solarium. I'm fair skinned and fair haired but in the last few years I tend to tan well on the face and arms making it appear that I am wearing a white T-shirt when on the beach. Add to that the fact I go lobster red and suffer agony, I thought getting a few minutes in a solarium might help me out this year.

What I hadn't counted on was that you sunbathe naked in a solarium right. You get a tan where the sun don't normally shine and since it don't normally shine there the skin is very very sensitive.... ouch!

And laying in that glowing tunnel that is the tanning bed makes me feel well claustrophobic. I have this horrible thought that they mis-program the thing and instead of 8 minutes they come running round when they smell me burning. Smoked rant man anyone?

Anyone a Rugby fan? Do you recall the streaker at the All Black versus Ireland game in June 2006? Well, her name is Lisa Lewis and just recently she became the first naked news reader on the New Zealand Naked News Flash. I'm stunned that a country like New Zealand would even have a naked news service but apparently it does and Lisa became something of an overnight celebrity reading the news naked.

The fact that she was formerly an erotic dancer was known to the media and her employer but just a few days after her nervous first news read it was also revealed that she is a hooker! She admitted that she knew tis news might come out sooner or later but was surprised it took so little time? Lisa Lewis it seems is a $7000 per night private escort. She charges $2000/hour and $10,000 per weekend.

She says that she does make a living that way to pay for a 'super education' for her 3-year old son. Yes Lisa.... we believe you.

In the Czech Republic an advertising firm is getting away with something that wouldn't work in the UK or the USA. Not only wouldn't it work, it would cause consternation, outrage and probably spark a whole bunch of 911/999 calls to the police. Yes, it's explosive alright.

You will see these advertisements all over but especially attached to public clocks and traffic lights. Yes folks, they are BOMBS!

Take a look...

The company who is using this campaign are identified in the photograph below...

If you liked this post, why not buy me a nice cold beer?

They say that eventually anything popular gets taxed and now a California law maker is proposing a tax on pornography. Yep, a 25 per cent tax on the production and sales of pornographic videos! I guess it is about time that someone proposed this but the question is how will it be collected?

California has a huge budget deficit and this newly proposed tax might just help rectify that issue. But can Californians reconcile themselves with this 'dirty' tax money? Who cares I guess?

The Chinese might be top global performers when it comes to business, but during sex they appear to be struggling to reach their peak.

Couples from China and Hong Kong are the least likely to reach orgasm during sex, while the Italians and Spanish claim to have no problems climaxing, a global sex survey showed on Tuesday.

Less than a quarter -- 24 percent -- of those surveyed from China and Hong Kong were able to achieve an orgasm every time they had sex.

Italy, Spain and Mexico tied for top place, achieving orgasms 66 percent of the time, said the Durex Sexual Wellbeing survey, which polled 26,000 people in 26 countries.

The French, famous for their romantic overtures, came in at a middling 48 percent of the time -- the global average, the survey said.

Living in the Czech Republic I occasionally come across folks with very funny names. For example, there is an actress/model here with the last name Bendova! and another with the last name Partysova! Of course these names are funny because they mean something in English too when pronounced but there are funny names here that require translation. Soustal is a last name that I wouldn't care to have because in English it literally is translated as F**cked! It would be sort of funny if Ms. Bendova got with Mr. Soustal but I suppose that is unlikely....

Several popular Digg articles discuss a video purportedly of an alien peering through a window in the Colorado area. The video may or may not be released to the media today and has already been judged to be real by an 'expert' although the same article says that Hollywood could make a puppet just like it for around $50,000. I'm sorry but I have to ask this. Why would an alien be peeping through the window of Mr. Joe Average in Colorado?