Arriving in Houston yesterday jet-lagged and tired I was dismayed to see a very large line for immigration. After lining up for 20 mins I finally reached an officer. I said hello and began reading with interest the customer service manifesto pinned to the wall above him.

We are the front line of Americas it read and we promise to be courteous, helpful and well mannered as we deal quickly with your entry into the USA... it read - amongst other such customer service nonesense. I didn't get to read it all as the immigration guy looked up at me and pointed to the back of the line and ran his pen through my form.

What? I asked.
Insufficient address, he gruffed.
I'm sorry? I said puzzled.
Go to the back of the hall and fill this form in again and this time provide a proper address..
It is a proper address said I
The hell it is and you better do it NOW if you want to get out of this airport tonight, he barked

Hmmm... welcome to America and so much for customer service.

After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30-year-old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to "Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards". The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his new name. (The Guardian)

Global warming and terrorism are the twin pillars of institutional control of the masses in my opinion. Lets address briefly global warming first.

Global warming may or may not be occurring - certainly our climate is changing but whether thats global or regional is open for debate. Climate change is a feature of geological history - just do some research and you will find that the only thing one can say about climate is that it changes through time. No, my argument is not that the climate isn't changing - it is, it did and it will. My argument is about what is causing those changes.

There is a well know law in geology that is used as a basis to understand geological events an it is that what happens today can be used to interpret what happened in the past. Lets switch that around and say that if the climate changed (and dramatically) in the past before man had any chance to influence it then why is it strange that it would continue to change now?

Prince Charles has long been at odds with modern architecture but I wonder what he thinks about architectures' current obsession with the Penis? Perhaps they have erection issues to which the only solution is to erect buildings shaped like one?

There are Penis shaped buildings dominating the skylines of London and Barcelona these days and for all I know maybe many more popular European cities (email me more examples please). Now I learn that a new clock in the main square of the little town of Brno here in the Czech Republic might be building a penis-shaped clock! I am considering a headline that reads "Brno's New C(l)ock".

Brno's Penis Clock

If you liked this post, why not buy me a nice cold beer?

A man who says he bit into a Burger King sandwich and found an unwrapped condom inside has sued the owner of the restaurant.

Van Miguel Hartless, 24, of Fair Haven, said Friday he bought the Southwestern Whopper at a Burger King in Rutland on June 18 and made the discovery when he got home and started eating it.

'My third bite into the burger, it was just a foreign taste,' he said. 'It was a very sour, bitter sort of taste. It almost had a numbing sensation.

'As I went to bite down a little harder, I felt a rubber grind in between my teeth. I saw it half in my mouth, half hanging out. It was an immediate sick-to-my-stomach type of thing.'

Rest of article at http://strange.blosker.com/link/man-sues-over-alleged-condom-burger-2571...

Have you heard of the Penis Prank in Pennsylvania? To paraphrase The Register, the pranksters in Hazleton, PA have certainly figured out how NOT to welcome alien visitors to our planet with this giant crop circle cock.

Photo at http://bored.blosker.com/link/penis-crop-circle-prank-visible-on-google-...

What's that Skip? Little Billy's trapped down the abandoned mine shaft? And what else? Your farts are fantastic?

Kangaroos have always been a smug bunch, bouncing along as if they roo-le the animal kingdom - they will roo their mistake one day, I can tell you.

Absolutely abysmal puns aside, they now have something else to be really pleased about.

According to scientists, their farts are fighting global warming.

Thanks to a special bacteria in their stomachs, kangaroos do not emit harmful methane gas when they let off a stinker.

Australian scientists are now planning to transfer that bacteria into cows and sheep to make their flatulence eco-friendly.

It will take researchers about three years to isolate the bacteria before they can think of a way to transfer it to other animals.

From www.metro.co.uk

If you read my blog on the three questions Texans ask Englishmen (http://www.rant-here.com/drupal/node/23) then here is some interesting follow up. I just got back from a trip to Houston. While drinking a cold one with a Texan and another Englishman I asked them both what the top three questions might be. My Texan friend pooh poohed the idea altogether as so much hog wash but my expat English friend said well - speak to me would be one and do you know George - he's English too!

Touche Pussycat!

OK. Well after writing my rant about the fallacy that is Global warming here, I have to take it all back! Yes folks, I have been given the ultimate evidence and proof that global warming is real and a very clear threat to mankind.

This evidence is so clear and compelling as to make me to a complete about face and sign up to the cause here and now.

Here it is.... make up your own mind!

Compelling Evidence of Global Warming

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Forget the Dow Jones average or the prime rate.

If you want to know how the economy is really doing -- check the boob job index.

Plastic surgeons report people are getting antsy about spending big bucks for bigger breasts or a nose job.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the slowdown was a hot topic at a recent meeting of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons in Baltimore.

Pittsburgh plastic surgeon Dr. J. Peter Rubin said the mortgage credit crisis is making people think twice.

And it's not just the plastic surgeons feeling the pinch. The Journal reports the number of vision-correction surgeries appears to be falling, too.

Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

From www.wgal.com

In this respect, the US is far superior to Europe and that is flying. Yes folks, in the US I can show up any hours before my flight, check in, even get on an earlier flight automatically if there is one and there are free seats and all done quickly and efficiently. Here in Europe, you have to check in 2-hours before meaning wait until 2-hours before and then lining up with the vast sea of humanity that is on your flight. What is with that?

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BERLIN - A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter (two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.

The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the 64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a holiday in Egypt.

New airport rules prohibit passengers from carrying larger quantities of liquid onto planes, and he was told at a security check he would have to either throw out the bottle of vodka or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as cargo.

Complete article at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22219861/?GT1=10645

No one knows how big the online porn industry really is but according to Nielsen/NetRatings about 43 million Americans visited porn sites in August and the average user is looking at 121 pages, going back six times and spending an hour and seven minutes every month looking at adult-related material ( source). It’s estimated to be a $5 to $7 billion dollar business. It’s so large and so popular that you can now actually take a course in it and learn how to be in the online porn business ( source).

An American man is selling his soul on the internet for £500,000 - to raise money for Christmas. He says the winning eBay bidder will receive his spirit in a glass jar as well as a contract "relinquishing ownership".

He told buyers: "I've got no money for the Christmas holidays, and all I've got left to sell is my soul.

"I'm not really using it lately - and selling it on eBay is better than letting the Devil have it."

The seller from LA added: "Keep it for yourself, or give it to someone you know who needs one. Who knows what it may be capable of?

"My hope is that with the money I can get a life and then buy it back."

The starting bid is $1 million, but surprisingly he has yet to receive an offer.

But he is still hopeful of lucre because the auction has another day to run.

The sale is reminiscent of an episode of the Simpsons, when Bart sells his soul to Milhouse.

Bart laughs at the idea until he finds automatic doors fail to open for him.

A senior Australian politician was handcuffed to a pole in a Russian strip club while wearing nothing but his underpants, it has been revealed.Nigel Scullion had spent the evening drinking with a group of Icelandic whalers and Canadian fishermen in St Petersburg.

The incident has reignited a row in Australia over the behaviour of politicians.

The eventful night out, which happened in 1998, was revealed this week after Mr Scullion was elected deputy leader of the conservative opposition National Party.

It is the latest story involving strip clubs and politicians to hit the Australian media.Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, who was elected last month, made a public apology in August after revelations he had a drunken night in a New York strip club in 2003 when he was a senior opposition politician.

There was more embarrassment for him after a video of him snacking on his own ear wax while in Parliament was posted on YouTube.

Getting readers for a blog site like this is a time consuming game. The blogosphere is so crowded today and all competing for your eyes..... So, I thought I would go ahead and ask you all what works and what doesn't work about this site? What do you like to see? What could I add in terms of content or tools you'd find useful?

To be honest, I love to write and already have 4 books in print and have literally written hundreds, if not thousands, of articles on many topics in my professional life. So, I do this because I like to write, I have opinions and I like to share them and yep - I'd love to cover my costs at least through the ads on the site but it sure isn't my day job and never will be.

If you have ever been to Prague you will have appreciated its magnificence - its amazing architecture. It's a jewel of architectural culture and awe inspiring historic buildings... but not for much longer.

Once again, a beautiful and historic city has chosen to build a complete monstrosity of modern architecture out of character with its surroundings. Nope - its not a penis-shaped building like those in London and Barcelona and the subject of an earlier rant (Architecture and the Penis Plot).

It's worse than that.

Known fondly as the BLOB, this utter monstrosity of architectural stupidity is shaped like an Octopus!

Prague's Forthcoming New Library

What can the city leaders be thinking?

Can they not see that this ugly irrelevance is a Giant Octopus?

And what architect would propose such a thing in a city like Prague?

Was it a joke that got taken seriously?

I guess a city that is known also for its Bohemian culture and reputation for call girls and sex can now truly point to having a great big (Octo)pussy!

I browse the web quite a bit these days and never ceased to be amazed at people's creativity when it comes to developing on line business ideas. For example, I just came across the site www.trustsource.org. The business idea here is to list categories of products and have site visitors write reviews on those products that they have used. The overall effect is to create a set of pages that offer help and advice on buying a product along with all the details you could ever want to support your purchase decision.

I came across the site initially because it is currently reviewing and offering smoking cessation products and at some point in the future I have to quit smoking. I found 5-6 products listed there, each with a number of reviews and graded with a five-star system. Each product can be selected and then you are presented with a wide variety of information regarding the product and have the ability to order right off of the website.

Just when you were convinced that the travel industry had thought of it all, it comes up with yet another clever way of separating you from your money.

Here are a few of the most unusual fees:

1. Oh, you work for the government? That'll be another $5. The best - or maybe I should say, the worst - surcharges are not just punitive but also discriminatory. Lee Paulson, an executive officer for a government organization in Washington, believes she has found one of these perfect fees. It's listed as a $5-a-day "GOVT ADMIN RATE SUPP" on her staff's car rental bills. "Nobody can explain this," she says, "just that it's an additional fee for government rentals."

So, its all over the internet that Britney Spears might again be pregnant. Does this woman have an IQ at all? I mean didn't she just lose custody of her first two based on the fact that she is an incompetent mother? Sorry, but Britney can't have heard of contraceptives now can she because each pregnancy is just a few months after the last one. And this is the woman that just a few years ago was named by was it the Church of England as a paragon of modern Christian values? Unable to resurrect her singing career to its former glory Britney is now seeking a career as a baby maker apparently. Or is it just that Christina is pregnant too?

Actually, it just struck me that Britney ought to take up with Michael Jackson. They could have tons and tons of kids and hang them out of windows for photographers.

Aghhhh - these people make me sick.

Here in Central Europe any item of clothing with english words written on it appears to be amazingly popular but can often end up making the wearer look a complete idiot or worse. Yes folks, the problem is that the person wearing the clothing doesn't understand what is written on it.....

I've seen girls wearing T-Shirts emblazoned with "Try me - I'm an easy lay" for example. Now - I am assuming they have no clue what it says anyway. And I am not talking about "Kiss me Quick" signs in the main. Nope, some of these slogans are very, very upfront and very, very rude.

I read this morning that our friend in Cuba - Fidel Castro - has said through Cuban TV that he won't cling to power.... excuse me while I break for a laugh.......................................................... OK, back. Is he kidding? Isn't he a tin pot dictator and hasn't he clung to power for way longer than he should already? I mean Cuba is a country people die to escape from. I wonder why? Could it be that his regime is one that has sucked the life blood out of the country and is now living on frozen plasma imported from China?

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I have a number of sites including this one. The oldest is around 4-5 years old and in all that time I have been using my trusty Google Adsense account to see if I could generate some income to offset hosting fees. Frankly, I am disappointed and at a loss to understand what Google is up to? Maybe someone out there can let us know?

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canada's post office and police are trying to track down a "rogue elf" who wrote obscene letters to children on behalf of Santa Claus, a newspaper reported on Friday.

The Ottawa Citizen said at least 10 nasty letters had been delivered to little girls and boys in Ottawa who wrote to Santa this year care of the North Pole, which has a special H0H 0H0 Canadian postal code. Return letters from Santa are in fact written by an 11,000-strong army of Canada Post employees and volunteers.

"We firmly believe there is just one rogue elf out there," a Canada Post spokeswoman told the paper.

Rest at http://strange.blosker.com/link/police-seek-author-of-nasty-letters-from...

Yep - according to CNN.com, Britney's 16-year old sister has joined the Spears Quest to populate the world with little Spears clones.

Full story at http://edition.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/19/spears.sister.ap/index.html

POKANE, Washington (AP) -- A man dressed as Santa Claus was knocked unconscious by a thrown object that hit his face while he was riding on the back of a truck decorated as a sleigh. Kevin Smith says he never saw what hit him Saturday. Whatever it was, it broke his nose and gave him a concussion and two black eyes.

"One second I was up there waving to people, and the next minute I wasn't," Smith said.

He was taking part in Santa Run, sponsored by the firefighters union, which features off-duty firefighters who dress up as Santa and ride through residential areas handing out candy to children.

Other volunteers realized something was wrong after they hadn't heard from Smith for a few minutes. They stopped the truck and found him lying unconscious.

"It pretty much cold-cocked him," fire Lt. Scott Himelspach said.

Rest of story at http://edition.cnn.com/2007/US/12/19/santa.knocked.out.ap/index.html

I wonder what it was like to live in an era when the news arrived days or months late brought in by some guy on horse back? Pretty sweet I would think. Imagine living in a world where you are not bombarded by bad news. Heaven!

DALLAS, Texas (CNN) -- If you turn to the Bible -- Isaiah Chapter 35, Verse 8 -- you will see a passage that in part says, "A highway shall be there, and a road, and it shall be called the Highway of Holiness."

Now, is it possible that this "highway" mentioned in Chapter 35 is actually Interstate 35 that runs through six U.S. states, from southern Texas to northern Minnesota? Some Christians have faith that is indeed the case.

It was with that interesting belief in mind that we decided to head to Texas, the southernmost state in the I-35 corridor, to do a story about a prayer campaign called "Light the Highway."

Churchgoers in all six states recently finished 35 days of praying alongside Interstate 35, but the prayers are still continuing.

Some of the faithful believe that in order to fulfill the prophecy of I-35 being the "holy" highway, it needs some intensive prayer first. So we watched as about 25 fervent and enthusiastic Christians prayed on the the interstate's shoulder in Dallas.

Got a good joke? Send it to us and we will consider publishing it on this page.

Jokes

How does a Gynecologist wall paper his hall? - through the letterbox!


How does a Gynecologist respond when asked by his wife about his day? He had a hard day at the oriface!

I got this in my email recently and thought it was quite funny. The caption read - how do you know if there is an earthquake?

You can see the answer here

Men are naturally more comedic than women because of the male hormone testosterone, an expert claims.

Men make more gags than women and their jokes tend to be more aggressive, Professor Sam Shuster, of Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital, says.

The unicycling doctor observed how the genders reacted to his "amusing" hobby.

Women tended to make encouraging, praising comments, while men jeered. The most aggressive were young men, he told the British Medical Journal.

Rest of the story at: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7153584.stm

The length of a man's fingers can reveal how physically aggressive he is, Canadian scientists have said.

The shorter the index finger is compared to the ring finger, the more boisterous he will be, University of Alberta researchers said.

But the same was not true for verbal aggression or hostile behaviours, they told the journal Biological Psychology after studying 300 people's fingers.

The trend is thought to be linked to testosterone exposure in the womb.

Rest of story: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4314209.stm

Finger length may be an indication of sexual orientation, a controversial study has shown.

Scientists from California found that lesbian women have a greater difference in length between their ring finger and index finger than straight women do.

The same pattern was also found for homosexual men - but only when the researchers looked at those males that had several older brothers.

The scientists from the University of California at Berkeley were testing a theory that higher levels of androgen - male sex hormones - in the womb influence both finger length and sexual orientation.

I'm afraid that it is. And that means lots of silliness. I'm already sick to the back teeth of trying to walk through the city center as people in front of you suddenly stop for no reason and trying to get to the other side of the street is like threading a needle. If people drove the way they walk it really would be chaos. And of course shopping for anything is nigh on impossible.

A woman stabbed her husband with a kitchen knife following an argument that began when she accused him of opening a Christmas present early, authorities said Friday.

Misty Johnson, 34, was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and battery, a felony, and misdemeanor domestic battery.

Rest of story here:http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071222/D8TM8S7O0.html

Cultural differences amaze me. In Europe, nakedness is simply that. Newspapers publish topless and nude pictures routinely, its on TV and on the coast, its down at the beach. In the USA, nakedness appears tantamount to a sin in some quarters. Why?

As volumes increase over the holiday season, the crazy airline stories start rolling in. Just yesterday, a woman flying from West Palm Beach to Boston reported that she took her seat in and AirTran flight, only to find that it was soaked in urine. By the time she realized the gravity of her problem, it had soaked all the way through her clothes. So she had to go to the bathroom, remove her wet clothing and wrap herself in a blanket for the duration of the flight. At least they let her sit in a different seat.

Found this strange combination of signs recently here in Brno. Never really enjoyed MacDonald's Burgers and I can certainly say that I will never eat another after seeing this. Always thought they tasted of cardboard but now I'm not so sure...........

Funnily enough translated into english the Macdonalds sign says 'Do you know already what you are going to get?"... LOL! Now I do.

DES MOINES, Iowa — It was a stinky holiday for Robert Schoff.

The 77-year-old man spent part of Christmas Eve stuck upside down in the opening of his septic tank, with his head inside and his feet kicking in the air above.

"It wasn't good, I'll tell you what," Schoff said Tuesday. "It was the worst Christmas Eve I've ever had."

Schoff reached into the tank Monday in an effort to find a clog, but he lost his balance and got wedged into the opening.

Rest of the story at: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/bizarre/5404542.html

Yes, soon we all head back to work for a new year. People will make all kinds of promises to themselves and the gyms will be full for a few weeks.

Seriousness for a moment.

It's hard not to want to comment today on the assassination in Pakistan so I will in a way. Violence, it seems, truly begets violence. We live in a world in which violence occurs frequently. Often this is done in the name of God but it's Man that resorts to violence; not God.

Recently, I have been doing my home work and reading how to build traffic to a blog site like this one. I found literally hundreds of sages on the internet providing wise advice. I dutifully followed much of that advice of course over the last month or so.

Actually though much of that advice is frankly mundane and obvious. Post quality articles says one. Well, would I post anything but what I consider to be quality articles? Hmmm, great advice thanks. Link swap they say. Submit your site to search engines. Yes, all good and totally obvious stuff.

If you regularly read this blog (and I hope that you do), you'll know I live in the Czech Republic. Sometimes I yearn to watch a bit of TV in English and will occasionally rent a DVD movie or two so that I can. Well, last night I rented a movie called BABEL. Frankly it wasn't that good. Don't know if you have ever seen this movie but I felt quite cheated. You see, we set the movie for English language with Czech subtitles and what I didn't know until it was too late was that it is about 20 minutes into the movie until anyone speaks English.

How one can be misinterpreted when talking with someone for whom English is a second language. Standing on the balcony the other night I saw a shooting star and pointed it out to my partner - look a shooting star I said. She looked puzzled for a minute and then asked me exactly what was a shitting star?

Similarly, when attempting to describe her appearance I used the expression 'big lips'. Again, I was misunderstood as she pouted her lips and exclaimed I do not have pig lips! I finally had to point out that she had lips like Angelina Jolie and not like Porky the Pig.