His Letter:

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new
haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or
anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to
West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Her letter

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st
thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a right tit!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed £50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it
out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million pounds, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the
fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell, Free & getting plenty of the big
black Bobby!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla
was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem!